We caught the redeye flight out of San Francisco International Airport Sunday night and wound up back in Ft. Lauderdale at 7:30 Monday morning. Stepping out of the subzero environs of the FLL baggage claim area, we were immediately scooped up into the clammy, overwrought embrace of a rainy South Florida morning. The surly Lyft driver eyed us warily while we loaded our own luggage into the trunk of his Nissan Altima. An unhelpful fellow, he apparently wasn't feeling too chatty, either, since during the drive home, he remained grim-faced and silent. Welcome home, boys. I didn't mind, really, since it'd been a day or two since I'd gotten any sleep and my thought processes weren't up to formatting complete sentences anyway. 

On the whole, I'd rather be back in San Francisco. It's cool there, and by cool, I mean it in every sense of the word. Of course, the ungodly heat here is a given: if you haven't had the (dis)pleasure of experiencing a South Florida summer (typically April through October), you don't know what you're missing. And you really don't want to know. But, San Francisco is cool in other ways that South Florida will never be able to emulate. 

So let's forget about South Florida for now. San Francisco is spectacular in many ways but is aces in terms of scenery, architecture, art, and history. Whenever we travel, we try to connect to the trails leading to the most bountiful offerings a city (or site) has on offer. It doesn't always come cheap--and, let's face it, San Francisco is NOT cheap--but occasionally you find you can do your own thing for free. 

For instance, on this trip we made up our own mini-Vertigo tour, based on the much-celebrated 1958 Alfred Hitchcock masterpiece. First, we visited Mission Dolores Church (3321 16th St.) in the city's Mission District. The original church (Mission San Francisco de Asis) was founded in 1776 and is the oldest intact building in the city of San Francisco. It cost us 5 USD apiece (getting older does have its benefits) to tour both the original church and the newer (1918) basilica, which is impressive in its own right. Within both buildings you'll find gorgeous furnishings and ostentatious religious iconography usually associated with both the spiritual and acquisitive nature of The Church. There's a small room containing the history of this church, as well as the other missions created in California under the guidance of Father Junipero Serra, later canonized by Pope John Paul II. This canonization was, and remains, highly controversial given the mistreatment and subjugation of Native peoples by Serra and his fellow Spanish priests and enforcers. Behind the old church is the circa-1800's cemetery where Kim Novak's movie character, Madeline, goes to view the grave of her ancestor, one Carlotta Valdes, whose roving, suicidal spirit may also take possession of her granddaughter on special occasions. Meanwhile, an unusually creepy Jimmy Stewart (as detective John "Scotty" Ferguson) hides behind trees and watches from the shadows. FYI: don't bother looking for the grave of Carlotta Valdes because it isn't there. She's a fictional character in a movie. But you knew that, didn't you?

While in the Mission District, we also hiked up past the enormous sprawl of Mission High School at 18th and Dolores, which, with its bell tower and adobe walls, is lavish by any standards. Just across the street is popular Dolores Park, from which you can view much of San Francisco's downtown area while taking a rest from all the hiking--San Francisco is a city of hills, after all--and having a sandwich from Ike's Love and Sandwiches on Polk Street. If you must, there's the (for some unknown reason) prominent  Le Marais Bakery on Sanchez, just a few blocks away in the Castro, but personally, I think it's way overrated and the service is abysmal. Now that I think about it, I've always thought the Castro to be somewhat overrated as well. Yes, it's a mecca for me and my kind but I have a feeling that it's way past its heyday, and whenever I go there, it feels sort of rundown and forlorn. Except for the fabulous Castro Theater (429 Castro St.), which happens to be screening Vertigo in 70mm on September 3--long after our departure date, alas. Or maybe I'm the one who's rundown and forlorn. On a sidenote: best not to linger too long in the area around the 16th Street Mission BART transit stop (2000 Mission Street). It's very sketchy, to say the least, and you might want to disabuse yourself of any notion of disembarking there at night. 

The next day, after a very steep hike up Taylor Street, we went through the amazing Grace Cathedral (1100 California St.), the Episcopalian jewel in the crown of San Francisco cathedrals.

 Inspired by Gothic cathedrals in France, Grace Cathedral is famous for its mosaics, stained glass windows, a 44 bell carillon and the AIDS Chapel with its altarpiece by Keith Haring. Grace Cathedral really doesn't figure into the plot of Vertigo but just east of the building, across tony Huntington Park, is the storied Fairmont Hotel (950 Mason St.), and just north of that, the Brocklebank Apartments (1000 Mason St.), which served as Madeline's home in the movie. Here, at the corner of Mason and Sacramento Streets, you can enjoy stunning views all the way down to San Francisco Bay. South of the Fairmont, the luxurious Intercontinental Mark Hopkins Hotel has been in business since 1926 and boasts the Top of the Mark lounge in a former penthouse. 

Head downhill in a northeasterly direction from the Brocklebank Apartments, and you'll end up in San Francisco's legendary Chinatown, a must-see for all tourists. True, Chinatown is notorious for its many tchotchke shops but there are genuine finds if you look hard enough, and incredible eats as well. Sam Wo has been dishing up noodles and fried rice for over 100 years, and it's inexpensive and delicious! The Chinese-style architecture of the area is certainly noteworthy and--what is the word--instagrammable? Do people still use Instagram? Or is everybody on Only Fans? Or is it Tik Tok? I can't keep up. 

If you take Stockton Street to Broadway and turn east, you'll wind up on Columbus Avenue, which is where you'll find City Lights Bookstore, a North Beach institution since 1953. Of all the bookstores in all the world, I think City Lights may be my very favorite. Founded by poet Lawrence Ferlinghetti and Peter Martin, City Lights has been "a literary meetingplace" for almost 70 years, both selling and publishing books by such Beat luminaries as Allen Ginsberg, Anais Nin, William S. Burroughs and Jack Kerouac, as well as thousands of other authors of every conceivable subject. If you're of a literary bent, City Lights is one of San Francisco's gems. By the way, I snuck Anais Nin in there even though she's not technically a Beat luminary; she's still an entertaining diarist and something of a libertine, by all reports. I like her. Not so much the astoundingly hateful prat manning the checkout register but try and overlook him because the utter awesomeness of the store easily overrides his negative vibes.

The North Beach connection to Vertigo starts just north of City Lights at the intersection of Columbus and Lombard Street. Make a left on Lombard and gird your loins for a breathtaking--literally--climb. It's not Mount Shasta but it may feel like it if you're not in (at the very least) reasonably good shape. Once you reach Leavenworth Street, the portion of Lombard Street misnamed "the crookedest street in the world" begins and you can either continue your ascent, using sidewalks skirting the crookedest street until you reach Hyde Street, or you can back up a block and check out John "Scotty" Ferguson's bachelor pad (900 Lombard St.) from Vertigo. 

As you know, Jimmy Stewart played Scotty in the movie but his building has been completely overhauled and is, therefore, completely unrecognizable from its 1958 facade. That fact, however, did little to detract from my appreciation of the dwelling, or of its spectacular location. Although I can't imagine being a 20something coming home from the bar after a night of hard drinking, and trying to get from the car to the house without rolling all the way down to the corner of Lombard and Columbus. Oh well, I guess that ship has sailed.

Being a largely Italian neighborhood, North Beach has no shortage of Italian restaurants, and there are bars and nightclubs aplenty in this hopping, funkily picturesque area. I'm actually a little surprised that the LGBTQ+ community didn't settle here instead of the Castro, given its accessibility and physical charms. Surely it wasn't because the religious population objected to their presence. After all, the Beats and their predecessors had inhabited the area, and North Beach was (and is) also the home of the Condor Club, the nation's first topless go-go joint (making a sensation out of dancer Carol Doda). In the 1960's, North Beach was allegedly the city's Red Light District. I don't know about that. I was there but too young to know about such things at that time. My dad, on the other hand, may have ventured into the Condor Club a time or two, along with his buddy, an adventurous, good-time priest undivorced from human  merrymaking. I certainly remember Dad talking about Carol Doda and her assets, much to my mother's chagrin. Even so, there's a nifty cathedral, Saint Peter and Paul's Church (666 Filbert St.), on the north side of Washington Square (600 Columbus Ave.), and if you continue walking uphill to the east, you'll eventually reach Telegraph Hill and the fantastically phallic Coit Tower (1 Telegraph Hill Blvd.). A mainstay of the city's skyline since its construction in 1933, Coit Tower offers panoramic views of the city from its 210 foot lookout. And there's a flock of wild parrots inhabiting the area! 

That was actually the extent of our Vertigo tour. Ernie's, where James Stewart first lays eyes on the beautiful Madeline, closed down in 1995, and the McKittrick Hotel, Madeline/Carlotta's hideaway was demolished following a fire in 1959. On our last day in San Francisco, we ventured out to the beautiful Presidio, across from which sets the pristinely beautiful Palace of Fine Arts (featured in background shots) but we couldn't get from Point A to Point B without some degree of difficulty. And we completely missed the Legion of Honor (100 34th Ave.), which is where Scotty lurks and lusts after Kim Novak as she and her tightly coiled bun sit and gaze upon the painting of Carlotta and her tightly coiled bun. Getting to Mission San Juan Bautista--setting for the final act of Vertigo and an hour and a half north of the city--was never going to be in the cards although maybe next time we'll rent a car and stop off there--after we've finished checking out Bodega Bay. 

Non-Hitchcockian musts for San Francisco visitors include: Fisherman's Wharf, the DeYoung Museum and California Academy of Sciences (both in fabulous Golden Gate Park) the Salesforce Park Sky Garden, the San Francisco Museum of Modern Art, other various neighborhoods, Alcatraz, numerous eccentric shops and, of course, the Bay and Golden Gate Bridges. 

Probably the biggest surprise of our trip turned out to be The Presidio, a large national park on the site  of a former military post. Since our time was limited--we ventured out a few hours before we were due at the airport--we were unable to see the vast majority of what this unique and lovely locale has to offer. We were lucky enough to hike the road through the woods leading to the park, and managed to make it out to a very small (and very crowded) area that almost looked like a large golf green. From there one can see incredible vistas of nearby Golden Gate Bridge and Marin County beyond. Interestingly, there has been a military presence here since the Spanish took up residence in 1776. There are, reportedly, over 800 buildings on this site, many of which have historical interest (including various barracks and offices), and George Lucas' Letterman Digital Arts Center, which is now his film company's headquarters. The grounds and surrounding parklands are gorgeous. A return to the Presidio is definitely #1 on my list of things to do the next time we're in San Francisco. 

A couple of things to mention before leaving San Francisco: 

1. Mark Twain allegedly--maybe-- once said, "The coldest winter I ever spent was a summer in San Francisco." Take heed. Whoever said it wasn't joking. Between the omnipresent fog, light mists, and wild winds roaring off the ocean and through the hills, San Francisco can get a tad chilly, especially for those of us hailing from warmer climes. The thermometer outside the bank may read 57 degrees but it will feel at least ten degrees cooler. This is in August, by the way. Venture a few miles outside the city and you may encounter outside temperatures of 97. In the city, however, even walking a few blocks one way or the other can result in dramatic temperature fluctuations. You see, San Francisco is a city of microclimates. (Rule of thumb: the further west in the city you go, the cooler and foggier the conditions. Or so we were told.) I actually love San Francisco's cool weather and Karl, the fog, and could happily make my home there but C, on the other hand, doesn't fare well once the thermostat dips below 75. 

2. The airport is located some 20 miles (give or take 5 miles) from downtown San Francisco so your best bet getting to your hotel will either be a rideshare or the BART train. At around 12 USD, the BART is definitely the cheaper option, if not the most attractive. Depending on time of day, rideshares range from 35-60 USD, excluding tip, while taxis can run up to 110 USD or more. My own two feet are my favorite method of getting around compact metropolitan areas once I've established myself, although walking may not be an alternative for everyone in San Francisco, where age and/or health may be a factor in traversing the steep terrain. Conveniently, there are numerous BART stations in and around San Francisco, and if you plan to do a lot of traveling during your time there, you'll want to purchase a Clipper Card, which works on the buses as well as the subway and ferry. We quickly reached the conclusion that traveling by bus was a cleaner, safer and cheaper option than taking the subway because.....

3. San Francisco has some mighty scary people. I'm not talking about the many eccentric, nattily dressed wanderers the city has enfolded into its diverse citizenry. But there is a certain....madness. I'm talking about the wild-eyed, unkempt folks who scream into the sky, swing clenched fists at invisible foes, and nod knowingly at the voices reverberating in their heads: the Monster Shouter, in other words, as one such character was called in the Stephen King classic, The Stand. San Francisco is full of Monster Shouters. Some of them take the BART and ride off into sunset tunnels and back again, occasionally (during non-Rush Hour moments) calming down into fitful sleep induced by the gentle rocking of the mostly-empty train. One late afternoon during our visit, we took the BART train 25 miles east of San Francisco to visit family members. There were several stops along the way, and some of the characters boarding the train were a tad sketchy, not in the Monster Shouter sense, but in a skinhead/gang-related way. Things were worse later that night on the way back in to San Francisco. Sure enough, a couple of days after our Contra Costa excursion, someone was shot on the BART train near Fruitvale Station, while two days after that, a man was stabbed to death at the Mission BART station. Upon learning of the shooting incident, we opted to take the bus, which may take longer than the subway but seemed, to us, a much cleaner and safer alternative. And as I don't live in San Francisco, there's always the possibility that I don't know what I'm talking about so keep that in mind. 

Whatever its shortcomings, San Francisco is a sumptuous city that weaves a magical spell that's hard to shake once you've left. I'm not sure if I left my heart in San Francisco but every time I leave I feel like I've left something behind. I just hope I get back to find it before my lower extremities give up the ghost.